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Online Diary 2007 March |
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The online diary started life as a blog of my strange 'other life' with the dog. I wanted to record some of the experiences that I had as a first-time dog owner. To access the archive, click on the appropriate month. The most recent articles are listed separately. You are most welcome to send comments about any of the articles. Record your comments via the Contact Me page.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY FROM
BEATTIE Today is my birthday and Beattie has bought me presents! I have a lovely new mug inscribed with a picture of a tatty dog holding a long stick with the legend, 'I'd really like to keep this one.' There is also a slim volume entitled 'One hundred ways for a dog to train a human.' I have reproduced some of the recommended training methods below! 'From time to time, humans try to bark orders at you. Sit, stay, beg , roll over, play dead-the the list is endless. If you decide to join in, to it only for chocolate. Don't do for free. Once you start, it's a slippery slope to them controlling you.' 'Never urinate on command. Always go when you want to go. Do not worry about insignificant events going on at the same time, such as the FA Cup final, the Wimbledon final or Coronation Street.' 'Master or servant? Just remember who shovels whose poo up. There's your answer.' 'There is a misconception that your human will take you for a walk. This suggests that they will lead you. Wrong. The lead is affixed to you, therefore the responsibility lies with you in the direction of travel. Go where you want; and the the human will follow. If they try to restrain you, makes some loud gagging and coughing noises when other people around. Your human will fear that someone may report them for cruelty, and will therefore ease off the restraining. Always use this point in time to run faster.' 'Obedience classes are for wimps. If you find yourself being tricked into attending, do whatever you can to embarrass your owner. Stoop as low as necessary to ensure that your human never wants to go through that again!' 'If another dog offers you fleas, always accept. It's rude not share. Remember to share them with everyone at home.' 'Enjoy being stroked. Foster stroking as a means of helping your humans to relax. A good time to relax is just after eating Sunday lunch. Help them stroke you by being close to them. Preferably on their lap.' 'Always offered to wash up after a Sunday roast. A tongue cleans plates, cutlery and roasting tins far better than any leading brand of washing up liquid.' 'Never let your human blow-dry you with a hair dryer. Believe me, tomorrow you'll wake up and your fur will be so fine and wispy you won't be able to do a thing with it.' 'Encourage your humans to prefer self-catering holidays. They will be more likely to take you with them, instead of putting you in a kennel.' ''Bark and thou shalt be obeyed' is the eleventh commandment. Remind your owner of this fact. You will know when you have achieved this successfully. You should never have to bark twice for something.' What a thoughtful dog she is! Back To post a comment click here
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from sablonneuse
Comment from Anonymous
BEATTIE
THE ANDREX PUPPY!
You know the advert where the cute puppy gently unrolls the Andrex? Beattie also does that given three seconds when my back is turned and I have foolishly left the bathroom door ajar! In her case, the said Andrex roll must be worried like a rat before it is spread about the place - not gently and ever so neatly as in the advert. No, it must be shredded into tiny pieces and left everywhere. Imagine her joy when she discovered I had not only left the bathroom door open, but also the back door into the garden! For five minutes she was in doggy heaven as the paper flew everywhere in the strong breeze! I came out of the study, and, to my dismay, spotted the tell-tale signs in the hallway. Little did I realise what carnage I would witness in the garden! She still had about one third of the roll in her jaws. Prising that treat away from her would not be easy, but in a rare lapse of concentration, she dropped it and I pounced! She still did her best to prevent me from clearing up the rest of the roll, but at last the garden was just about clear of the snowstorm! Back To post a comment click here
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from sablonneuse Comment from Tracey Lilly
ESSENCE
OF MOLE! One of the principal weapons in a woman's armoury is her perfume, be it Estee Lauder, Calvin Klein or Chanel No 5! Dogs are different. Especially Beattie! One of her chief delights is running off-lead on the marshes, which she does most days of the week. A few days ago, I could see her ahead of me sniffing the ground intently when suddenly, without warning, she turned on her back and began to roll around ecstatically with her four legs waving in the air. As I approached, I realised that she was rolling on something black, and on closer inspection saw the paws of the dead mole! No mole deserved this final indignity - being used as a roll-on for a demented dog! As A is out at work all day, she loves to cuddle Beattie in the evening, who is only too happy to oblige in her role as a lap-dog! That evening, however, the dog did not last long on A's lap as she pushed her off with the exclamation, 'You stink, dog! Get off me!' When I explained what happened, A decided that we would visit the pet store a.s.a.p. to purchase a doggy perfume spray! Back To post a comment click here Comment from Tracey Lilly
SPRING
HAS ARRIVED! I always know when spring has arrived as A begins making lists of jobs that need doing in the garden! Last week, the first list appeared with 'Cut the grass', 'Strim the edges' and 'Tidy the border' on it. We have a very basic garden - mainly grass with borders containing various shrubs. I call it 'the caravan garden' as it does not need too much maintenance in the summer when we are caravanning. The sad fact is that we can no longer have a pristine lawn as Beattie has used it during the winter as a private play area - one she regards as her own! Lawns can be, and must be, excavated when the fancy takes her! Holes now pepper the surface of the lawn and the roots of the rowan tree I was given on my retirement have been thoroughly inspected! The tubs had to be removed from the garden last autumn as Beattie spent many a happy half-hour getting to the bottom of the peat filled pot to root out its contents! A mistakenly thought Beattie had forgotten about this antisocial behaviour and brought a few of our collection of pots back into the back garden one afternoon. I was working away on the computer when a heard a strange drumming sound coming from outside the window. Looking out, all I could see was the back end of Beattie and a cloud of black specks of dirt! Already she was well down the pot and the plant it contained had been decimated! Ah well, it's goodbye to our flower displays for ever! Back To post a comment click here
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from sablonneuse
What unseasonably pleasant weather we are enjoying. Everyone you meet talks about the weather - we British; it's what we are famous for. We love to talk about the weather; even more so when the weather is unexpectedly different to what one would expect 'at this time of year'! Well, the weather brought everyone out today. Beattie and I walked alongside Breydon Water this morning in stunning weather. There were myriads of wading birds on the mudflats and the air was filled with their piping calls, especially the oystercatchers. It was a morning walk to savour and we both made the most of it. Beattie decided to explore the margins of the mudflats and went up to her knees in thick, brown mud! Luckily, she decided not to jump up and greet me after her visit as she is apt to do! Two riders were sunning themselves off the path as we passed them, their bikes thrown down on the grass in a careless way. Shortly afterwards, I decided we had both gone far enough and we retraced our steps. As we approached the riders, I discovered that the young lady was not only proficient in the art of bike riding! She was going at a rare right gallop the brazen hussy!!! I didn't want Beattie exposed to this sort of thing at such a tender age. She had ignored them when we passed the first time, but now she gave them a right ear-bashing (in doggy language, of course!). Roughly translated, she was going to report their behaviour to the highest authorities! Back Honestly, whatever next? To post a comment click here
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from sablonneuse Comment from Tracey Lilly
FORBIDDEN
FRUIT Beattie has been getting too used to chewing 'forbidden fruit', namely, my slippers! She only needs a few seconds to find a slipper or shoe, which has been left on the floor, and she grabs it and scuttles off to find a secret place to chew! Today was a typical incident. She 'liberated A's slipper from the bedroom and snaffled it into the lounge. Unfortunately for her, I spotted the theft and gave chase. Beattie did the usual - hide under the dining table - but it was too late; she was caught! Undeterred, she next stole my shoe and cleverly, so she thought, made off into the garden. But she spoilt it by giving a little woof of pleasure as she ran past the study. I followed her out into the garden determined to retrieve my footwear. Stupidly, I forgot the golden rule when dealing with dogs - that is NEVER CHASE THE DOG! AT had impressed this rule on me from the start, but I forgot it today in my determination to get back my property! After running round fruitlessly in ever decreasing circles, I eventually came to a chest-heaving stop leaning heavily on the garage wall for support. I was knackered! I staggered into the kitchen before remembering the golden rule. AT always told me, 'Harness the dog's chasing instinct.' I took out one of her favourite squeaky toys and threw it in the opposite direction to where she was sitting. It worked a treat as she immediately dropped my shoe (gently chewed) and ran after the toy. Triumphantly, I gathered up my precious shoe and retreated with the prize back to the kitchen. Beattie did not seem over-bothered about this, but just ran in with the squeaky toy for me to throw! How easily a dog is satisfied! Back To post a comment click here
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from sablonneuse
Just when we thought Spring had arrived, the weather turned and Mother Nature dealt us a sharp dose of winter with icy winds, snow and hail. When the north wind blows across the bare, open marshes, you need two or three extra layers to be able to enjoy your walk. Mind you, Beattie must have been feeling the sudden change in conditions as she was groomed last Saturday by V. She certainly looked better for the cut, but must have been cold today; not that you would notice as she hared around as normal. I was a bit concerned when she hopped over the metal piling to investigate the shoreline on Breydon Water as conditions were so different from last week. There was a high tide running up the estuary combined with strong north winds - classic conditions for flooding. There were 'white horses' on the water and I was worried that if she got into the water, she may not get out very easily. She took it all in her stride, however, and seemed to enjoy every minute of our walk. We are both 'in training' for our holiday in the Lake District the week after next. When we were there in February, Beattie climbed her first and second fells. Unfortunately for her, we could not let her off her long lead as it was lambing time and she showed an unhealthy interest in the sheep! Of course, she cannot climb on the high fells yet as she is still a puppy, and I don't usually walk her for more than an hour and a half at present. Mind you, one of her fell walks was over three hours in February, and she managed that very well. But that is an exception. AT says that large breeds usually have more problems with arthritis than smaller breeds like Beattie. However, I am still being careful with her until she is a year old. Her first high fell walk will come in May when we climb Skiddaw as part of the 'Everest the easy way' charity challenge. The idea is that every ten ascents of Skiddaw is equivalent to one ascent of Everest. Each person taking part pays £5 to Keswick Mountain Rescue and climbs Skiddaw during one week in May. I have climbed this fell before, but thought it would be a good challenge for Beattie - her first high level fell walk! Back To post a comment click here
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from sablonneuse Comment from Tracey Lilly FIRST DOG
SHOW When I was at Dog Club, AT gave me details of a Companion Dog Show that she was organising on 29th April. I was told that this would be Beattie's first show! A Companion Dog Show is the lowest form of show, with Obedience and Showing classes as well as a number of 'Novelty' classes. Beattie will be entered in the 'Starters' class for Obedience. For this, she will have to do some heelwork (walking to heel), a novice recall and a one-minute stay exercise. All this to be achieved on the lead. She can do these exercises, but whether she will perform in a strange hall with other dogs remains to be seen. Watch this space! I will also enter her for a few of the Novelty classes: Prettiest Bitch, Dog and Handler never having entered a show, The dog or bitch the judge would like to take home! Now, she might have a chance in this last class provided she is not as dirty and smelly as she managed to get herself today! We were down at Breydon Water at low tide and she came back from her walk smelling of rotting fish! Goodness knows what she has been rolling in today! Back To post a comment click here Comment
from sablonneuse
Dogs gravitate towards anything that is smelly or generally disgusting. I have come to the conclusion that this is 'doggy law'. Take horse poo as an example. We stay at a cottage in the northern Lakes in February. This year we took Beattie with us for the first time. A semi-wild herd of ponies live in the valley where we stay, and in the morning they generally mooch around the village, probably hoping to find titbits to eat, or on Tuesdays, to scavenge the rubbish sacks put out for collection. Whilst they are there they leave plenty of evidence of their passing through and this is very attractive to a dog like Beattie being smelly and generally disgusting (the horse poo not Beattie!) I have christened these little treats as 'truffles'. Beattie loves truffles, but unfortunately they unfortunate side effects so A is not pleased when the dog jumps on the bed after one of her early morning walks and she gets a face full of Beattie's putrid breath! We are off to the Lake District next week, so Beattie will have some gourmet breakfast delicacies to look forward to! Back To post a comment click here
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from sablonneuse
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Photographs taken with a Fuji MX-2900
Zoom or a Canon EOS 20D |
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